I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Enjoy the penises
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
