btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
