I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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