Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
