Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
