Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
