The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
