Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
