Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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