okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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