too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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