Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
