Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
