i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
