i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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