He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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