Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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