I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
