We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
