you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
