I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
