Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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