Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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