I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
