I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
