i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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