Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
