it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
