Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize