I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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