Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
