I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
