Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
