I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
