I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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