We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
