Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
