He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
