where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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