so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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