I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.