I'm sorry my penis didn't work
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby