I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
third nipple confirmed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐