i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?