He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire