so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved