So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize