I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
