please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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