we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
