My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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