I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
