you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
