wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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