Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
