Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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