I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
