chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
