im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
