You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i would punch a child for taco bell
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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