And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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