plz talk dirty to me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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