But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
