So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
