i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
