Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
