next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
