If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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